My Taste in Men: From Bad Boys to Finding my Wildflower

Why is it that the majority of us women have this obscene urge to go for men that aren’t good for us? Or men that clash with our personalities, men that treat us like shit, or men that aren’t really interested in us at all?

Then finally when we do meet one of the “good” ones, we walk all over them.

THE BAD BOY

Flashback to when I was 15-years-old with not a care in the world and my taste in men (well, boys) was the classic “bad boy”.

You know the type – that one that’s always getting in to trouble, the kind that your parents disapprove of. He doesn’t do well at school and he’s had a rough upbringing. He’s into drugs, and is popular – but not the college-footballer-type.

Your parents can’t stand him, in fact they tell you that you’re banned from seeing him because he’s not right for you.

He’s a bad influence.

You ignore their words. They don’t know what they’re talking about. 

In your eyes he can’t do anything wrong – he’s funny, charming, and he’s the apple of your eye. You think you’re his everything too. Yet reality is when it comes down to it he’d ditch you for his mates, he’s probably cheating on you, and you don’t mean as much to him as you’d like to think.

Unfortunately, you put aside the “bad” qualities he has because you see the good in him. You see a big heart so you plead his case, telling others he will change. In fact, you make it your mission to “save” this guy. You’ll help him get ahead, to get a job, and you’ll help him get off the drugs.

In fact, you’d do anything for him.
You’d even leave your family for him – that’s how much you love him. So you do.

Seem familiar? Been there, done that? Honey, I’ve written the bloody book on this and let me tell you… most of the time, it doesn’t end well.

After a couple of years, you break up with the bad boy. He’s still getting into trouble and he hasn’t grown up. It’s tiresome. Your relationship with your parents has suffered and it’s time to rebuild it. It’s onto the next chapter.

THE NICE GUY

This time you choose someone completely different. You go for the nice guy.

The one with a lovely family (who you think the world of). He’s incredibly sweet, he’s intelligent, and he has a good job. He takes you out and he treats you like a queen.

For once you know what it feels like to be the apple of someone’s eye. 

But you’re so stuffed up from the last guy that you start treating this one like shit. You walk all over him, intentionally pushing his buttons and hurting his feelings. Before long, the relationship comes to an end. 

Cue the next guy…

THE DRUG ADDICT

This ones older. Six years older in fact, so he’ll have his shit together.

He has a couple of kids to different women but that’s just bad luck, not his fault at all. He’s a bad boy but he treats you well. He’s been to jail, and he’s pretty heavy on the drug scene, but he looks after you.

He really loves you, and you move in together. Then he starts hiding his drug addiction. He’s lying to your face but you can’t see it because you know loves you. Why would he lie and hurt you if he loves you? Then you realise that you never go to bed at the same time and you start questioning why. Turns out he’s up most of the night doing drugs.

He continues to lie to your face. You can’t believe he would do that to you. Finally, you notice that when his car pulls into the driveway after work you’re no longer excited to see him.

You’re heart sinks but you know it’s time to move on.

THE SWEET ONE

You’re 19-years-old now.

You meet a guy through a friend that’s cute. He’s only two years older and he seems really nice.

He’s kind, he looks after himself, and you have fun together. It’s not long into the relationship and you’re living together. He’s your best friend. Your parents love him, and so do your friends. He’s funny, and he treats you like a princess.

A few years go by and you start to go through the motions together.

You buy a house, get a dog, then he proposes and you’re engaged. From the outside looking in, you’re the perfect couple. But he’s unhappy, and you’re unhappy.

You argue, all the time. Both of you are moody, tired of fighting, yet you continue to walk all over him. You start wondering if he’s lying to you because he’s going out and not coming home. Is he cheating on you?

Things have changed, and all of a sudden seven years have passed. You’re due to get married in just over a month and suddenly he pulls the pin.

He wants out, and you feel your world crumbling around you.

He tells you he’s fallen out of love with you and that’s it. You’re done, and you don’t know what to do.

You think you’ll never find such a kind hearted person again, and you’re scared. You’re scared you’re 26-years-old and you’ve spent seven years with someone who wanted different things to you.

How could you be so blind?

You realise you need to make some changes. Big ones.

So you travel. You live your life.

You experience things you’ve never experienced.
You study.
You work on your faults, and you feel that you’re a “better person”.

Then you start to think about what you want in life, and the type of person you want to spend your life with.

The scariest realisation you come to terms with, is the fact you need someone like your father. Someone who is easygoing, has a big heart, is hardworking, but won’t let you walk over them and won’t let you be a moody brat. You think of everything you want and need in a person.

THE ONE

A year goes by and it’s a few days from Christmas.

You go to a party with one of your best friends and you meet a guy. He’s tall, charming, incredibly charismatic, and most of all – he’s hilarious. He’s a conversationalist, is confident, and you realise he really doesn’t give two tosses if you don’t like him. That throws you a bit, and intrigues you even more.

You can tell he’s genuine, and you feel at ease talking to him. He’s a babe, and you find yourself wanting to know more about him.

One week goes by and you’re inseparable.

He takes you out, he’s a gentleman, and you love spending time with him. He’s hardworking and kind, but you quickly learn that he’s certainly no pushover.

Things are going well but you’re scared.

You realise you don’t want to spend another seven years with someone without knowing what they want in life. So you ask some big questions. 

You feel a bit crazy doing this but you know that if he doesn’t want the same things in life as you, then you need to move on. Thankfully he does, and although you’re scared it’s all happening too fast, you move in together after just a few short months.

Everything is going well so you start to worry that it’s too good to be true.

You’re worried. You’ve had a few long term relationships and they’ve all ended up pear shaped – either with lies, drugs, or your attitude getting the best of you.

Naturally your insecurities start to surface.

You’re worried that he’ll lie to you. You’re petrified that you’ll spend years with a guy only to find that he doesn’t love you or that he wants different things in life. He tells you to stop having hypothetical arguments and you realise he’s not like the others.

He’s entirely different from the other men you’ve had relationships with, and you trust him. He has all the qualities you want in a partner, and more.

A year passes and you’re engaged.
Another flies by and you get married.
Then you make the ultimate commitment – you have a child together.

Your love for him grows even stronger as you see how much of an amazing father he is.

He’s your rock and your best friend.
He challenges you, and he makes you a better person.
You grow together, and you laugh every day.

You’re incredibly happy, and he’s your everything.

Then you realise that he has all the same qualities that your father has, those qualities you searched for a few years ago. And you smile, because, after all of the weeds, you’ve finally found your wildflower. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kylie is a survivor. She’s endured events that no-one should have to experience. That’s why she wants to share her story; to help other women live beyond their pain so that they too can take control of their life, and live the life they deserve.

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