The Worst Day of My Pregnancy

This post is a personal one.

And it was literally one of the scariest days of my life to date.

It’s Saturday the 15th of August, I’m almost 15 weeks. I’ve been craving some physical attention from my hubby and to his credit, he’s been worried about ‘going there’. A close friend of ours miscarried a few months back and when she spoke to my hubby she mentioned that she wasn’t sure whether ‘doing the deed’ was part of the cause.

Today he realised it wasn’t the time to argue with me, all he simply said was whether or not we should really take the risk – “It’s fine,” I say, assuring him we have nothing to worry about.

Oh how wrong was I.

It wasn’t long until hubby gets the shock of his life…“Ahh sweetheart, you’re bleeding!”

My first emotion is shock, I can’t believe it, he warned me that this might not be a good idea, could we be loosing our baby? Because of me? How could I be so stupid? Am I miscarrying? No, this can’t be happening.

Hubby is so upset, I look at my legs and see the blood, I look back at hubby and his face says it all. We both start crying, I lie on the bed sobbing, saying “what have I done?” That’s when hubby lets out a horrific cry, one that will forever be etched in my memory. He’s distraught, we both are.

Hubby grabs my hand and leads me to the bathroom to help me clean myself up. I can’t stop crying – there looks to be a lot of blood. We’re both upset but I can see he’s gone into “protect mode” and his first thought it to look after me and try calm me down.

Once we’ve gotten rid of as much blood as we can, I do the first thing I think of, I ring my mum. I explain to her what’s happened, she can hear how upset I am and she too tries to calm me. She urges me to go straight to the A&E, and I said I will phone the midwife first.

After a few minutes I call my midwife Anna. She’s very soothing and asks if I’m in any pain and if I have any cramps, I explain that I don’t. She says that everything should be okay, but for peace of mind she suggests going to Auckland Hospital and getting checked out there. I thank her and relay the information to hubby. I can’t even remember where at the hospital she’s told me to go, so hubby takes charge and calls her back to get further details.

My mind is racing, I’m blaming myself, and I decide I better go to the bathroom before we leave. There’s still lots of blood.

I’m freaking out. Hubby grabs me a warm jumper, fills up my water bottle, and gives me a kiss, assuring me everything is going to be fine.

We get into hubby’s ute and I’m very quiet. I keep looking out the window to try keep myself distracted but let’s face it, I’m not going to be able to think about anything else. It’s just past lunchtime and Auckland traffic is crazy busy, not what you need when you’re in a rush to the hospital. We don’t even take the motorway, we can see how congested traffic is heading towards the on ramp and we don’t want to take the risk.That’s not going to stop hubby, he’s on a mission and if he has to overtake someone doing 15kms on the median strip, he’s going to do it.

Hubby holds my hand the entire way. I love this man with all my heart.

As we near the hospital we try to locate where the car parking building is. The next challenge is navigating our way with the rather large Toyota Hilux ute that hubby is driving. Needless to say if we do come here again we’ll be bringing my car – this car park is not made for big vehicles.

Once parked, we hop out of the ute in search for the maternity ward. Hubby asks a kind lady in reception who points us in the right direction. I feel faint, and lean on to hubby for support.

When we reach the next reception area hubby explains our situation to the lady at the counter. I’m feeling very faint and nauseous, and I pray that we don’t have to sit in a waiting room for hours. The receptionist immediately tells us there’s a ward we can go to and I’m still picturing a waiting room however when we go to where we are directed there’s literally a hospital room free for us to wait in. It’s such a relief to get a quiet space with a bed and bathroom to rest, I’m pretty sure I could pass out any minute.

In about half an hour a nurse is sent in. She asks me to explain in detail what has happened, then she checks my blood pressure and asks how I’m feeling. I’ve calmed down a lot, I think being surrounded by people that are here to help you makes a world of difference. She asks if I’m in any pain and I let her know only a small amount of discomfort. She then proceeds to check peanuts heartbeat, and I’ve been waiting for this moment since the “incident” happened. I feel like if we can hear a heartbeat things will be okay. Hubby hasn’t heard peanuts heartbeat yet so this is all very new to him.

The nurse asks me to lift up my top and she grabs the gel to put over my stomach. She presses the doppler low on my stomach and we hear peanut’s heartbeat straight away. I look over to hubby and he looks like he wants to cry tears of relief. He holds my hand and feel assured that we are going to be okay, this little baby inside me is going to make it. She then explains that we will have to wait before the doctor can see me due to the number of patients requiring care.

Hubby and I lie on the bed and as we wait I have a glimmer of hope that everything is going to be okay. I ask hubby how he is doing as he hates hospitals, they make him feel sick, and within minutes the adrenalin of the past hour or two has left and he’s sound asleep on the bed. It’s rather amusing given the situation as I sit and watch him. He’s clearly exhausted, and it seems that as soon as he knows I should be okay, sleep has gotten the better of him.

Doctor Tracey walks in about half an hour later, and I’m surprised as I thought we might be waiting hours. She has a fantastic bedside manner, she chats away and makes sure I’m okay. She goes through many of the same questions the nurse did, and then advises that she will need to do an internal to check that everything is okay.

I know they aren’t the most pleasant of things however at the moment I would jump off a damn cliff if it meant finding out that my baby was going to make it.

Once doctor Tracey has finished she explains to me that she believes my cervix has been irritated (best word for the situation I guess!) and that’s what has caused me to bleed. She advised that the blood I am still seeing is not new blood, and that I will need to monitor myself over the next day to see make sure the bleeding does stop.

Basically , f there’s no blood by tomorrow afternoon everything should be fine, if there is then I need to contact my midwife and have another check up. 

Tracey explains that I don’t need to stay in over night and we are all good to go. She also suggests that perhaps we lay off any ‘action’ for a while – I’m certain this incident has scared the shit out of both of us and that there’ll be none of that for quite some time. I’m truly impressed with the level of service and am thankful that I have booked to deliver at Auckland Hospital.

After a few hours (and what seems like days), we leave the hospital. I haven’t eaten in hours and I quietly explain to hubby that I need food now otherwise there’s a good chance I will throw up or pass out. He carries my bag for me as I feel like any energy I had is completely zapped, I have nothing left in me.

As we drive home, we talk about what we have just gone through together. He explains how he didn’t realise just how much he wanted this baby until we might lose it. I agree. I’m really proud of how hubby took charge of the situation, how he supported me, looked after me, and I told him he is my rock. I’m reminded again of why I married this man, and why he’s going to be an amazing father.

Through a tough situation like this there are two things I know for sure;
1) How much we can’t wait for our little peanut to arrive, and
2) That we are stronger than ever before.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kylie is a survivor.¬†She’s endured events that no-one should have to experience. That’s why she wants to share her story; to help other women live beyond their pain so that they too can take control of their life, and live the life they deserve.

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